Love That Raises Us Out of the Everyday

Novelist Lisa See has written, “All women on earth-- and men, too for that matter-- hope for the kind of love that transforms us, raises us up out of the everyday, and gives us the courage to survive our little deaths—the heartache of unfulfilled dreams, of career and personal disappointments, of broken love affairs.”

Transformative love. It is possible to know, to experience, and to share.

We often look for it in romantic relationships. We all want that. A relationship with someone we truly connect with. Someone we grow to respect and cherish. Someone gentle and kind, affectionate and loving. Someone who makes us laugh out loud, whose joy in life we share, whose depths we understand.

Transformative love gives us access to something undeniable, something solid and foundational. In the person we find this with, we find what we have always wanted to be true about human beings. They meet our longings, our desires, our needs—with intelligence, wittiness, humor, passion, tenderness, and competency. They are perceptive and wise. They don’t scold or judge. They listen. They empathize. They know us.

It is, of course, a two-way transaction. If they are not getting the same kind of love from us, they eventually wither from boredom, stagnation, emotional and physical deprivation. Intimacy is not built on sex. Sex, if it’s any good at all, is built on intimacy. And intimacy is for the long haul. It grows in time and delivers with allure, intensity, beauty, and comfort.

While traveling last week I observed couples in the airport. Couples of all ages. Some sat there looking at their phones without ever looking up or saying a word. Some stared off into space looking away from each other. And some leaned in to talk, to listen, to smile and laugh with each other.

As people walked the terminal I saw couples where the man was 5 steps ahead of the woman. I saw couples holding hands. Some were chatting. Some had their arms around each other.

We may think transformative love is silly, or some fictional thing found only in movies and books. But it can be shared. It can be known. To be sure, most of us have had our hearts broken, our egos shattered; we have been left feeling duped, or betrayed, or swindled, because love didn’t work out for us. The only thing transformative about it was the crushing hurt or the angry regrets.

Writers at The School of Life have mused, “Episodes of unrequited love force us to develop a sense of humor about ourselves. It is impossible to think too well of who we are in their aftermath. Unrequited love edges us inevitably towards a basic humility. We are at last confirmed as truly ridiculous.”

Yes. Good word. I have been there. Probably you have, too.

We can wallow in our pain, our disappointment, or we can take the longer look and see what it was all about. That distance usually gives us a chance to lighten up, stop taking ourselves so seriously, and head on down the road to where transformative love still waits with someone amazing.

Relationships are hard. Living together in our differences, in our wounds, in our varying interests, can at times be drudgery. No relationship, even those gifted with transformative love, is without testing times and the drain of life’s routines.

But, though I am still looking myself, I am convinced there can be fascination, endearment, warmth, friendship, and deep love, between two people who have opened their lives to one another.

If that is not transformative, little else is.

If I had five minutes to evacuate--what would I take with me?

If I was told there was a bomb in my building and I had five minutes to evacuate my apartment I’d grab a grocery bag and quickly toss these items into it: 1. A photo of my grandparents, Mom and Pop and me, when I was 15 years old. I learned what love is made of from them. I learned what it is to be kissed on and hugged in arms so tender they felt like God’s arms. I discovered self worth from those two angels in human flesh. Of all the people in my life, they were the ones who made me feel I counted. Honestly, whatever capacity I have to love others came from them. 2. A sentimental, dog-eared, stars in the margin copy of Pat Conroy’s, “The Prince of Tides.” It is a book I have read three times and often return to for its wisdom. It is a harsh, profoundly tragic novel, the story of a family so broken and tortured by such flawed and wounded people that it is sometimes difficult to turn the next page. And yet it is the story of such Herculean courage and endurance that you want...

I Saw the Delicacy of Life

I was flying Across the deep And I saw the delicacy Of life Wrinkles on the faces Of the old So pure they glistened Like awards The joy of children Running with abandon Their laughter ringing Like chimes in the wind I saw the soft moving waves Across the sea And the trees releasing Their rainbow leaves Birds joined me on my flight And I saw the surface of their wings Adorned with patterns Glorious and unfurled I saw the tears of the sad And the smiles of the glad The suffering in mourning And the celebration of birth As I descended toward the ground Slowly, slowly, softly I saw the gentle grass of the field And smelled the fresh earth It was a perfect landing © 2018 Timothy Moody

Actions Make a Difference

“We make progress in society only if we stop cursing and complaining about its shortcomings and have the courage to do something about them.” ~ Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Physician/Author Pictured here is Kikuko Shinjo, 89 years old, a survivor of the Hiroshima atomic bomb blast. As a 17-year old nursing student she helped nurse victims of the carnage back to health. Many of them died in her care. She says she holds no grudge against America and encourages interaction between the Japanese and Americans. She has devoted her life to peace, saying, “I want all the people around the world to be friends, and I want to make my country peaceful without fighting.” Today she makes colorful paper cranes and donates them to the Children’s Peace Monument at the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park.

The Unclad Soul

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