Parenting is one of the fantastic experiences of life. Of course, it comes with some of the most exasperating experiences as well. Jerry Seinfeld has said, “Having a two-year-old is like owning a blender you don’t have the top for.”
So true.
Not everyone can be a parent, and some people simply choose not to have children. I have friends like that and they are perfectly wonderful people and have fulfilling lives. Most of them do have pets, though!
I always wanted children. Maybe it had something to do with how I was loved as a child. I’m not sure. But thankfully, I have two beautiful sons, both grown now with their own families. I adore all of them—my sons, their wives, and their children. They also have pets, too, which I also love.
I suppose like many people, when my wife and I divorced, our home was deeply disrupted. My divorce affected my career, my friends, but worst of all, it caused a lot of sorrow and confusion for my sons. My oldest was 15. My youngest 13. Critical ages for them and for me.
I made a lot of mistakes after my divorce. There were resentments, angry exchanges, and a profound sense of loneliness. I made some selfish choices I regret. And I fell into a time of inner chaos, trying to figure out what went wrong, why I failed as a husband. I wrestled with terrible guilt, fearing my wife and I had hurt our sons forever.
Thankfully, my sons recovered from all of that and made something wonderful of their lives. They both have strong, loving marriages, and have life partners they are so compatible with, women they both sincerely love. I could not be more proud of them.
I’m sure they have their own disagreements at times, the common struggles all married couples have to deal with. But it is clear to me they work through things together, as a team, as partners, as equals. And that, I think, is certainly a part of any successful marriage.
As my sons got older, and as I found more steady work, we were able to spend more time together. Especially after they left the home of their mother and step-dad.
Out on their own, I had a chance to go see them individually, to be a part of their lives as adult men, and to have times to share together our love for each other.
I have memories with both of them that I cherish. I remember a weekend out in California I spent with my oldest son, Caleb. He was a budding actor then. I attended a play he was in with Tim Robbins’ group. Caleb’s wife now, Kameron, was there. We laughed. We celebrated. We hugged one another. It was a terrific time. One of many that I have had with them.
I remember a weekend Luke, my youngest son, and I attended a wedding for his friend, Dax, in Austin. Luke and I stayed in a hotel together. I officiated the wedding. Afterward, we all hit the dance floor and visited the open bar and had so much fun. Later, Luke and I got a huge sack of tacos and ate them in the hotel room. We talked and shared and enjoyed each other’s company.
So many memories like that with my sons.
I’m sure you have your own as well. They are times that make us thankful, and proud, and feel so much love. They are times that make all the throwing-ups, and diaper changes, and school projects, and football games, and girlfriend problems, all more than worth it.
Later, I was fortunate to bring Ingrid into my life. She was 2 then. She is 16 now. And I love all the times she and I have had together. Her first tricycle. First bike. Swimming lessons. Soccer team. Kindergarten. Middle school. And now high school. She’s taking driver’s ed classes now. She’s had her first boy heartbreak. She’s an honor student and wants to be a doctor. They all grow up so quickly.
Writer Judith Viorst has written this about parenting, “We grow because the clamorous, permanent presence of our children forces us to put their needs before ours. We grow because our love for our children urges us to change as nothing else in our lives has the power to do. We grow…because being a parent helps us stop being a child.”
What a remarkable and unforgettable journey it is.
© 2019 Timothy Moody
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