A Lesson for Single and Married Men

I was having drinks with some friends recently. All couples. I was the only single person there. We were enjoying the evening and each other’s company when a couple of the women were talking about Tyra Banks' series, America’s Next Top Model. It ended in 2018 after 24 seasons.

I had never heard of it but one of the women mentioned that men would never understand the show. I was intrigued. So for the past few weeks, I have been dipping into the series to see what goes on. 

I might have saved my marriage years ago if I had seen this series while a young single man. 

The series brings together a large number of young women to try out for the prize of being the next top American model. After an initial runway walk and photo shoot the women are narrowed down to a final 12 or 13 girls who are subsequently eliminated until a final candidate is chosen by Tyra Banks and other well known professionals in the modeling industry. 

The young women represent various cultures, backgrounds, and personalities. Most are strikingly beautiful. But not all. And some of those women end up in the final group. And win. 

But what I have been so captivated by is how truly different women are from men. Amazingly different. I have loved women my whole life. I was sent into the hallway in first grade to stand silently for kissing my little friend Dottie on the playground. I have been trying to find a sweetheart ever since. 

I grew up around wonderful women. My mother was a beautiful, smart, talented woman. Kind, but fierce as well. My grandmothers were my greatest teachers and strongest supporters. I adored them. 

I was married nearly 20 years, have dated and been in serious relationships since my divorce, but I’m still learning how little I understand about women. Freud, the brilliant psychologist, said, “The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is: What does a woman want?”

I share Dr. Freud’s confusion. But as I'm watching the modeling series I have been reminded how complex, extraordinary, glorious, sensitive, dazzling, and ingenious women are. And, how annoying, nuts, jealous, and how barbed and catty they can get. I love them anyway. 

Some of the girls are loud and arrogant. Some are gentle and soft spoken. Some are nerdy and quirky. Some are highly intelligent and cultured. Others are spoiled, or angry, or, well, not dumb, but just not curious about life or people. More materialistic than anything. 

Of course, don’t get me started on us men. The range of messed up in us is endless. 

I think every single guy, and, even married men, should watch this series. It is an advanced degree in the female mind. It reveals the humanness, the mystery, and the profound hurts and vulnerabilities that women often carry. Which ultimately seep into how they present themselves to others. 

Modeling is a grueling profession. There are perks and lovely rewards and even fame. But the journey is filled with cruelty, shaming, and endless demands on one’s body and spirit.

Anaïs Nin, the provocative French essayist and novelist wrote, “I hate men who are afraid of women's strength.”

In spite of tearful breakdowns over getting their hair cut, or mean comments from the other girls, or harsh critiques from Tyra and the judges, the women carry on and display remarkable courage and inner strength. They are clever, radiant, funny, and determined. 

They are teaching a much older man to love them more than ever. 

© 2021 Timothy Moody

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